Get Out of that Pit

As I was laying in my bubble bath reading Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore, I was posed with a question.  The irony behind the asking of this question is that just the other day I was crying out to God, in the shower (me and God like WARM, secluded places) with my answer to the question before it was even asked.

What is the question, you may be asking your self?  Well, as Beth puts it...

"Is it any wonder that the first words of Christ recorded in the imcomparable Gospel of John are, "What do you want?"  Hear Him echo the same words to you today.  "What do you want, child?".

If I would have been asked this two years ago, it would have been a baby.  Then there was Jaden. If you would have asked me one year ago it would have been a house. Since then we have moved two times in two months and are in our home to stay...til God moves us. If you would have asked me six months ago I would have said to be in full-time ministry (writing and teaching) and going to school.  I am starting my second class in a few short weeks and I get the privilege of serving in MOPS.  But...just a few days ago, as I cried out to God for mercy in the shower, my heart had a need FAR exceeding that of the list provided above.
"God, if you could grant me one wish, as if you were a genie in a bottle, I would beg you to give me a heart of joy, peace and contentment about being a mom and being home and that my husband would OVERFLOW because of my love for him. That he would know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am WILD about him."

If you were present for our first MOPS meeting, you know that my heart is plagued with a thorn of something seemingly unnatural regarding my role as mom and homemaker. Praise God we have come SO far in the last six months and that thorn is no longer causing irritated, infected wounds in my flesh, however, it is still present and will be until God chooses to pull it out. You see he told me that I have this thorn for a reason...assuming so this broken mess can cast a beautiful rainbow before you when His light shines through.  A rainbow as a sign of His faithfulness to see all of us through this challenging life. Anyway...not the reason for writing.

Today, as I read Beth's question, as provided from the mouth of Jesus, my answer was the same as I stated above, with the addition of wealth. :) Oh if I had unending financial resources, everyone around me, near and far, would be showered! But..neither here nor there, it was a part of my answer.  I was just talking to God about my answer once again and it dawned on me...yes, in my truest of heart (which God knows my hearts desires and the motives of that desiring heart) I want to be the best mom and wife but from that I realized I have a deep-seeded need to have a 'failure-free' life. 

The book I am reading (see the title above) does not necessarily sum up the life I am living. I am not in a pit, praise God! BUT I have been in one, lots of them actually, which is part of the reason I have a need to be without error.  Once you have lived in error so long, knowingly, and have been rescued, you want NOTHING to do with the error...causing me to desire a life where I am not failing, or so it seems, in my heart as a mom and wife.

We are going to be introducing a bible study, which will be taught by Susan Anderson (mentor mom) on marriage relationships. This hits the core of my heart.  My error and redemption were birthed in my love relationship with my man.  I am sure I will share a little here or there as the study begins and carries us through the MOPS year, so I will leave it there for now.

(Please don't misunderstand, I am WILD about my husband and we have a great marriage, by God's grace, and I am a good mom and care tenderly for their inner and outer beings. My heart and mind, however, struggle immensely at times to find joy, peace and contentment in the midst of my role as mom and homemaker...my thorn, however,you can bet your life on it that joy, peace and contentment in this area of my life is mine...God said so and therefore it is so and I will live it until I feel it.) 

Point: What would you say if you were asked, by God of course, "My Beloved, what do you want?"

"God looks intently not only at what we've done and how, but also at why we did it.  The Bible tells us that, unlike people, God doesn't look on the outward appearance of things.  He looks upon the heart.  First Chronicles 28:9 says, "the LORD searches every heart and understand every motive behind the thoughts." (77) Don't be bashful in your answer, He already knows what you are thinking! :)

He has given me a realization that it is by grace I have been saved, not by works. So it is not necessary for me to try and live error-free but rather ... just free.  I am free, indeed, by God's power and grace!  (I could write for hours, but I dare not bore you and cause you to never return to our blog. :))

I have not been a pit-dweller for some time now and I need to walk in confidence, security and freedom knowing that he who began a good work in me WILL see it to completion...and that means that I will be joyful, peaceful and content in my role as mom and housewife and that my love for my husband will be evident and abundant. Amen!

Lovingly laying it all out there so you too can be free!
Love to you
Sara