After all we have been through....

As I was thinking/planning what to write on this very blog, for your reading eyes, I had a few ideas. But, when it all boiled down, what I am dealing with right now, is what is closest to my heart, is the perfect place to start.

As some of you may know I am going back to school in the Fall. I have wanted to get a Masters from the time I was doing my undergrad at WSU (GO COUGS!). After many failed attempts to start school again, God's timing is now. I cannot begin to express the excitement in my heart about beginning this adventure. With school, however, comes a HUGE bill.

Matt (my man) and I have talked about how to pay for this adventure (which he FULLY supports and encourages). I have filled out all the necessary financial aid paperwork, attempted to find any available scholarships, spoken with the church about match grants...done everything I could to find extra money short of robbing a bank....NOTHING. We have read The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey (STRONGLY RECOMMEND!) and committed a year or so to stay out of debt in any and every way possible. Because of that commitment, we decided against taking out a loan. The only other option my husband could see was for him to get another job. He has prayed about it, as have I, and he feels complete peace that that is what God is asking of him at this time. I say 'he feels complete peace' because, as of right now, that is not necessarily a shared feeling. Yes, come next month, when my first tuition payment is due, we have to be able to pay for it somehow. Since I make...NOTHING...I cannot contribute, nor does he want me to get a paying job. That brings us to where we are now.

After all God and I have been through, together and with Matt, you would think I have this trust thing nearly figured out. He is faithful EVERY time, no question! It is the essence of who He is. He has pulled us out of many o' financial pits and done miracles that we have witnessed with our very eyes. Why, then, do I not believe that He will provide the additional amount each month to cover the cost of my school, which we both firmly believe is His will for me in THIS season? Why do I also not believe that he will provide Matt with a second job that still allows me to stay connected to my b-fry and the man of my dreams? Let alone allow him time with the boys who desperately need daddy time? With all the doubts that flood my little brain, he is STILL faithful! He will act out of rich love and power, in spite of me. He knows in due time and after enough time on my knees and in His word that seeds of faith will be planted and they will blossom into oaks of faith. Until then, he plants one seed at a time, reminding me that He too will work it all out.

My seed for the day:
Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Thanks, God, for getting me through today and being so patient with me in my struggle to believe.

-Sara